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It's been a long time since Jack had any kids underfoot to plan Christmas for. While he always got Cassie a present, it had been up to Janet to actually play Santa. He'd barely been home for Charlie's Christmases but the few times he had been, it'd been wonderful.

And now he gets to play Santa for his own kids, though he doesn't know them that well yet. He and Carter had decided to give them things that were mostly edible and homemade since she'd told him everything store-bought would disappear after the New Year. It would be hard on a kid to lose their toys and Jack agreed.

Still, there's plenty to set up and lay beneath the tree and he's still stuck under there when he hears footsteps behind him. Uh oh. He hopes it isn't William and he tries to carefully back out, hitting his head on a lower branch in the attempt.

"Uh, buddy? Are you out of bed?"

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Sam wonders, sometimes, if Jack has taken to Janet and William so quickly out of a sense of duty or obligation; Jack is the kind of man who doesn't leave anyone behind or let anyone down if he could possibly help it, and she thinks he would have a soft spot for children more than anything. But the way his face looks when he talks about them, or when he spends time with them, the way his eyes light up and soften at the corners, makes her think differently. "You're very good at it," she says.

"Mostly trial and error," Jack says, shrugging that off.

"But thanks. I'm trying...not that you need someone to help you, or anything, but I'm trying to be a good partner. I never fell into that bullshit that the wife's supposed to do all the domestic stuff and I'm supposed to sit on my ass and drink beer. We work together. Not that we're married, or anything, but you know. I'm helping out. Like I'm supposed to."

Sam hesitates for a moment, then sits down on the floor beside him in front of the tree. Her knee bumps one of the little handmade toys for William, and she straightens it. "I don't want you to feel like you're supposed to, or that you have to," she says. "I know you didn't really get a choice in this."

"I love them. I love you, too, but we're not talking about that." Jack busies himself with straightening an ornament on the tree that he bumped earlier so he doesn't actually have to look at Carter.

"This is where I want to be. For them and for me too because you know. I get to be with...well, you know what I mean."

He turns a little and looks at her. "I get to be with you, if I'm here, so while it's not the only thing that keeps me here by a longshot, it's part of it."

Sam never knows what to say when he talks like this. She can't say I love you; it's not that she doesn't, because it's Jack and she's always going to care about him more than she should. But he's different than the Jack she married and she's different than the Sam he fell in love with. She doesn't want him to love her for the person he remembers.

She doesn't know what to say, but she wants to acknowledge what he's said and let him know it means something to her. When she leans against him and rests her head against his shoulder, that's mostly why.

Jack slides his arm around her, holding her close. He never knows what to say in these situations and neither does she but this, he knows how to do. She feels similar to his own Carter, too, and he wonders if they would be so bad at this. Probably. He's never been good at expressing himself.

After a few long minutes, he squeezes her shoulder. "Might better get out of here in case the kids wake up. Or, well, William. Janet's not mobile yet."

Sam sighs a little, but doesn't immediately move. It's kind of nice, sitting here with Jack like this, and she doesn't really want it to end. "He's sound asleep," she says. "Busy day, he's worn out. I don't think he's getting up until at least the crack of dawn."

"Yeah, think you're right," Jack agrees. If she's content to stay here with him, he's content to hold her. More than.

"Pretty worn out myself. Trying to make this a good year for them, so they'll remember. Janet won't, but William might. Owe it to him. He's had it rough."

"He has," Sam agrees. "I worry about him, sometimes. Well, more than sometimes, but you know what I mean. Maybe it's not so bad right now, when he won't remember a lot of it later, but when he is old enough to remember." She sighs. "I just want things to be as safe and stable for him and Janet as I can make them."

"Is that...harder or easier with me around?"

Jack isn't sure he wants to know the answer to that. He knows showing back up has been an upheaval to a system Carter's had for months but a selfish part of him wants to have been a help and things be better than they were before he came back.

Sam thinks about it for a minute before she answers, because it's complicated. "Both," she says finally. "Easier, in most ways." Much easier...though the few ways in which it was harder were very hard.

"Well, good to know," Jack says, unsure of what, exactly, to say. "You know I don't want to make things hard on you. It's the last thing I want."

He smiles a little. "This is nice, though. Spending Christmas together?"

"It is." It's quiet in the apartment, with the kids in bed, and the tree lights are the only lights on in the room. It's cozy and pleasant, and it makes it easy to only think of happy things for a while. "It's going to be a good Christmas."

"Probably the best one I've had in a long time," Jack admits.

"I spent last Christmas, um, drunk in my apartment in DC wearing one sock. I lost a sock. It was a sad state of affairs, Carter. I couldn't even get Daniel to come out and see me. Something about Ori and saving the world and all that shit."

"Yeah, the Ori didn't really want to give us a break for the holidays," Sam says, laughing. She can't remember exactly what they were doing that year but they were probably either offworld or going to or from. She thinks in the last decade-and-some she's probably spent more holidays and birthdays away from Earth instead of on it.

"Damn Ori. Always raining on everyone's parade. I was glad when we got rid of the Goa'uld and then those suckers had to show up."

What made it worse, he thinks, is the fact that he wasn't on the front lines anymore. He'd fought the Goa'uld head on but the Ori, he'd been stuck in Washington.

"Yeah." She sits up a little, but though she's not resting her head on his shoulder anymore, she's still close to him. "I'm glad we don't have those specific problems to deal with here, but I miss having a job to do. Feeling like I was making a difference."

"Teaching doesn't cut it, huh?"

Jack wonders what it will be like once he's settled in and everything doesn't seem so new and stressful. He wonders if he'll feel bored and useless or if he'll honestly enjoy retirement for once. He thinks he could go either way with it.

"I like teaching, but it's not enough." And while she loves being a mother, that, too, is not enough, but she won't say it because she feels guilty enough about even thinking it. "I mean... we could go basically anywhere in the galaxy we wanted--or another galaxy--and now it's just... plop." She gestures a small space in front of her. "Just this one place, and that's it."

"There's the kids, though. Not that this is any replacement for what we had back home, because it's so not and you don't have to chop my head off for being uh, anti-feminist or anything but...I like that we have them. We in the best friends sense and not the husband and wife sense."

This is awkward and Jack trails off, not wanting to put Carter on the spot.

"No, it's not the same, but I'm glad we have them," Sam says. She's not chopping his head off; there's no way he could know about her conflicting feelings, or how she still feels guilty about not wanting their first baby as much as he did until it was too late.

There's a little ornament on the tree with Janet's name on it, and Sam reaches over to move it to a new spot. Not that there's anything wrong with where it is, but she feels like she needs to be doing something to cover up the awkward silence.

"So, how do we feel about beer? I think I need some beer," Jack says, shifting to stand up. He groans a little; going from sitting to standing makes his knees crack and pop in a way that isn't healthy and he knows that he's probably just a few years out from a replacement. Sucks to be him on a deserted island, huh?

"I'll go get it. Be back soon?"

"Beer? Yeah, a beer would be great." Sam's been avoiding alcohol and caffeine while nursing Janet, but it'll be several hours before Janet's hungry again and it will be fine, from everything she's read. She tries not to wince at Jack's creaky knees as he gets up. She has a few creaks of her own these days.

Jack ends up dawdling a little when he gets the beer and ducks into a shop when he catches a glimpse of some nice, sparkly jewelry. The beautiful thing about New York is that things are open around the clock and this store has extra, extended hours for the holidays. With it being Christmas Eve, he guesses there's a lot of last-minute gift buying going on.

He buys a little pendant with options for birthstones and they have a couple on display (most are custom made). One of the display ones has a sapphire and an emerald on it, perfect for his two kids, and he gets it in a little flat gift box with a deep blue bow. Not exactly Christmas, but he likes it all the same.

He's quiet when he comes back in, not wanting to wake the kids, and waves a little at Carter.

"I come bearing festive beverages and presents. And uh, myself. Which is also festive."

While Jack's out, Sam rattles around the apartment for a bit, straightening things that are already straightened, checking on children that are still asleep, rearranging ornaments on the tree. By the time he comes back, she's sitting on the couch with a book she isn't actually reading. "Presents? I thought we had everything for the kids already." She can't imagine what they could get for either of them that they didn't already have.