has_2ls | Valentine's Day

Entry tags:

sam,
tabula rasa

Valentine's Day

For the most part, it looks like a regular day. There's a couple people who seem to be talking in rhyme but, hey, that's not so bad considering Carter had acted like it might be the end of the world. Luckily for everyone involved, the Zimmermans seem to be nice and normal too so the kids are staying with them for a few hours while he and Carter have some time...alone.

He's decided to wear his dress blues since it's a date and they're the nicest thing he has but once he actually turns up on Carter's doorstep, he honestly thinks he's maybe overdressed. It's a freaking tropical island, after all, and this is just...two friends hanging out on a commercial holiday. Or something.

Still, as nervous as he is he still wants to spend some time with her so he knocks lightly at the door and tries to look like he's not fidgeting while he waits for her to answer.

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Jack knows she has trouble taking compliments from him but that doesn't mean he still doesn't want to give them. Sam is gorgeous and perfect and everything he's ever wanted and he wants to show her that more than he wants to tell her.

So he does show her by sliding his arms around her and up to find her zipper and tug it down.

Her dress is thin and soft and it slips off her shoulders easily; it's the kind of dress that doesn't really work with a bra so she hadn't bothered trying to find one and for a moment she's a little self-conscious because she knows she doesn't look fantastic. But she's skin to skin with him and that doesn't seem to really matter right now.

Jack actually thinks she's the hottest thing he's ever seen and once the dress is off, he eases her back to the bed so they can get more comfortable. He's not as young as he used to be and as much as he wants to go down on his knees for Carter it's just not gonna happen.

But he can definitely stretch out on top of her and he thinks that's a reasonable compromise.

She presses up against him, kissing him, dragging a leg up over his hip to urge him closer. It's a little more cautious on her part than before, a little slower and careful, because even though she's enjoying every bit of this that feeling of cheating on him isn't going away and it's hard to ignore. Sam drags her nails along his scalp and slides her hands down his shoulders and back and she really, really loves touching him. She hasn't felt more connected to him than this.

Jack drags his mouth away from hers and lowers his head to kiss her breasts instead. He hasn't ever been this close to Carter before, not even in the timeloops or the locker room or even in his wildest dreams. She's so curvy and soft and different than he'd ever imagined.

And that is an entirely new sensation, one that she's not completely sure about even though it feels incredibly good. "Careful," she murmurs, and her hands slide back up into his hair. As much as she'd like him to keep doing what he's doing... "It's okay," she adds. "Just... careful."

"Don't worry," Jack says, murmuring his words against her skin. "I'll be careful, babe. I promise."

He knows she's got to be sensitive since she's still nursing and while that's a weird turn-on for him (her being sensitive) he knows it might end up being awkward if he's not careful. He slides his hand up her thigh while he kisses her again, mouth soft against her skin.

It's too much and not enough at once, too much feeling, but not enough, too; she squirms against him and makes a frantic, needy little sound and though she can't catch his mouth in a kiss, she nuzzles against his hair and digs her fingers into his shoulders and shifts her body closer to him, wanting more than this. But she's scared of it, too--not sex, but opening herself up to the feeling and potential for the crushing loss that may come with it--and there's a struggle between fear and arousal for a moment before she sighs and slides her fingers into his hair. "Jack," she whispers, and her voice is very small. "I need a minute."

Jack immediately lifts his head up so he can meet her eyes and he frowns a little in concern. The last thing he wants is to push Carter or to hurt her and he's worried that he's done that very thing.

"What? Yeah, of course. I'm sorry, Sam."

"Don't apologize," she says, and her voice is a little less small now, still breathy with arousal but with nervousness, too. "It's good. Really good. I'm just..." She sighs, smooths her fingers against his hair, and doesn't push him away or move away. She doesn't want to let go, despite how conflicted she's feeling.

Jack doesn't move to climb off her and instead lays his head back down against her chest. Her fingers in his hair feel damn good and comforting even if he's nervous as hell and not really sure what's going on at the moment.

"It's just not the same, right?"

She keeps up the soft motion of her fingers in his hair, and when he doesn't pull away she relaxes a little. "Not exactly," she murmurs, "but I don't think it should be." Which sounds pretty crappy, so she tries to explain. "Like...Dr. Carter and I were both Samantha Carter, and so is the Sam Carter you know, but we we're our own people. And maybe we wouldn't do everything exactly the same. God, I don't think I'm making sense."

"It's not exactly a normal situation," Jack says quietly. He's not sure what they're supposed to do either and all he knows is that he loves her. He thinks that's the most important thing.

"It's not...I don't feel weird or anything. About us. But we're going at your pace and not mine."

Sam is quiet for a minute, and though the soft movement of her fingers doesn't stop, it slows a little, and her hand slips lower along his neck and shoulder. "It's not a matter of not wanting," she says, not-quite stumbling over the words. "Because I do." Even now, in this clumsy moment, she's still responding to the feel of his skin against hers, his breath against her skin and the feel of his body under her hands, and there's a part of her that wants to just push right through this and screw the consequences.

"I'm not the same man. I get that," Jack says, trying to give her an out if she needs it. "I don't...feel the same or look the same. I'm not who you married."

He's painfully self-conscious about that, to the point of being avoidant.

"Oh, no," she says quickly. "God, no. It's not that. I'm not comparing you to... yourself." She shifts against him and scoots down a little so she can look him in the eye, even if it's easier to talk to him when they're just close and touching but not really looking at each other. "I'm scared of losing you." Which is ridiculous, really, if she thinks about it, because it's not like holding back is going to make that any less painful if it happens--if she wakes up tomorrow and he's gone, it's going to kill her no matter what has or hasn't happened between them.

"Oh. I just assumed that was the problem. I've waited a hell of a long time to be with you but I always thought it would be a first time for both of us, you know? But it's not, exactly, and I understand if that makes things weird for you. But this is easier to deal with than that."

He runs a hand through her hair. "I can't promise that you won't lose me. I just want you to know that if I could guarantee that, if I could promise it, I would."

"I know you would," she says. "But you can't. Nobody can. And for me, that's harder than the differences between you." They're subtle and not numerous and she doesn't care about that anyway--it would be creepy, she thinks, if the two Jacks were exactly the same, if they were interchangeable, like parts in a machine... or a Replicator. She tilts her head into his touch and sighs. She's tired of losing people. Jack, most of all, but she's tired of losing everyone.

"I can't change that. I can't even promise that I'm worth it," Jack murmurs. He likes to think what they have is worth it - they're together in every universe, after all. Still, there's no way of knowing because he's never had this before now.

"I just hope that I am."

"I think we're worth it," she says, and leans in to kiss him just because she can. And because she wants to. It's a kiss that's soft and sweet and one of those kisses that she just wants to hold on to and never let go. In every universe--except the one Ba'al created--it's always been them. Because they just fit.

Jack kisses her for a few moments before rolling her beneath him, just enjoying the moment to be close and be in love with her for a little while before there's the kids and the island and who knows what else interrupting them.

He thinks they're worth it. He's waited over a decade to just imagine this, much less have it.

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Valentine's Day

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