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Jack wasn't sure how he'd ended up flirting with Carter and picking out dresses for her, but it'd managed to be kinda sweet in the end. But, as far as them going to the wedding together, that'd been a no fly zone no matter how much Jack wanted it.

But Carter had said no and Jack, both as friend and CO, had to respect that decision.

He'd spent the morning swimming and had darted back up to New Atlantis to nab a towel from his hut when he saw her. Dammit. No avoiding Carter now. He'd have to speak to her out of politeness; it wasn't like he was mad at her or anything. He just couldn't trust himself around her.

"Morning, Carter."

It'd be easier if he had on more than swim trunks, wouldn't it?

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"I'm always going to be here for you," Jack said quietly, "But it might not always be like this. Don't let the door shut on us for too long, you know?"

Hard conversation. Every conversation he had with Carter had been hard lately. Whatever happened to the easy way?

Sam gave him a long, thoughtful look. She wasn't sure if he was actively trying to dissuade her from her work now, or if he was just telling her how he felt... she supposed this depended on whether he was really Jack or not. Sam hated that she even had to wonder, but after her experience with Fifth, she couldn't help it.

"If you know me," she said carefully, "then you know why I'm working so hard on this." Her voice was quiet, as it didn't need to be anything but; he was right there.

"I know you," Jack said just as quietly. "And I know you're stubborn and beautiful and brilliant and you're going to find a way home or die trying. I love you because of those things, not in spite of them, and I really need to just stop standing in your way."

He sighed a little.

"But I don't think there's anything for me to go back to, Carter. I think I died then, at least in my timeline, and I'm just so damn tired of burying this part of me when I know you want it too. But I will. I need to get you home to him."

Sam rubbed her hands over her face, partly out of frustration and partly out of exhaustion. They kept saying they weren't going to talk about this anymore and they kept talking about it; they said they weren't going to cross that line again and they kept crossing it. It was the same thing, over and over again, and it was wearing Sam down. She felt like she'd been here for months instead of weeks. She wanted to remind him that everything about her timeline was wrong, broken, and controlled by the Goa'uld, and if she went back at the wrong time she was dead herself and Jack would still be too, but she couldn't make herself bring any of that up again. Not one more time. Because if she did, and weighed what she was going back to against what she could have here, then it wouldn't measure up.

Edited 2010-02-07 00:00 (UTC)

"Sam?"

One small word, full of exhaustion and concern and everything Jack wanted to say and just couldn't if he expected to keep his hands off her. When did it get like this, where every conversation turned into something too heavy to deal with without one or the other freaking out.

"Jack--"

Sam gave up then, couldn't stand it anymore. Something had hit a nerve and it was like the spark that kicked a naqahdah generator to life; she had to kiss him or explode, so she kissed him. A frustrated, desperate little sound rasped from her throat and her fingers were in his hair and she was pressing up against him like she couldn't stand not to be touching him as much as possible. She'd been telling herself it was a bad idea, and even now something inside her was screaming at her that this was dangerous and stupid, but for once--even if it was just for one single minute and never happen again, Sam Carter was going to do what she very badly wanted to do.

Edited 2010-02-07 00:35 (UTC)

Jack groaned a little and pulled her closer, letting her hips lay flush against his as he deepened the kiss. Carter had never initiated before and somehow it made him feel a little better about the whole thing; if his carefully controlled Colonel Carter could give in to this, maybe it wasn't so bad that he kept being the weak one and crossing the line.

He wanted to take her to bed but that was a bad, bad idea so Jack settled for the kiss, rolling his hips up against hers.

For a few long minutes there wasn't a sound in Sam's hut except for the the messy sounds of their kisses and the harsh sounds of their breathing; if Jack had been dressed, Sam would have been pulling at his clothes. As it was, they were doing this unsteady kind of stumble across the floor, trying not to fall and trying not to let go of each other until Jack's back was to the wall and Sam had a knee pressed between his, and--

Oh, God. What the hell am I doing?

She had to take a step back, curling her hands into tight fists to keep from touching him again, because God, did she want to touch him again. But she couldn't, anymore than she could tear her eyes away from him right then.

"Oh my God," she said. She had to force out the words in between her gasps for breath. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have--I can't--"

Jack gently circled her wrists with his hands and leaned in close, voice raspy against her ear.

"Don't you dare apologize, Sam. Don't do it."

He kissed her there, then moved down her neck and back to her mouth, moving them so he could pin her wrists lightly back against the wall. He'd only hold her in place for a minute and then they'd have to be done for good.

Because he didn't trust himself around her anymore.

She would have tried to apologize again, but he'd kissed her too quickly, and then he was pinning her to the wall--which, at least a year ago was a hold she was pretty sure she could have broken out of had she wanted to, but it was like she just didn't have the strength to fight this anymore--she groaned against his mouth and her fingers flexed, aching to touch him.

Her mind was telling her she had to stop this, but her body very much wanted to go on--and her heart was torn between both.

Edited 2010-02-07 01:19 (UTC)

Bad, bad, bad idea. Jack broke the kiss with a groan, lips lightly trailing along Carter's neck as he tried to gather his thoughts.

"I should go. You can't work with me here like this and I know you want...hell, I have no idea what you actually want, but you tell me you want to work on getting us out of here."

He laughed lightly, but it was hollow.

"God, I don't want to leave. Tell me to leave?"

Sam leaned her head back against the wall and thought that she was so, so, very tired of being the one who could fix everything. Just once, could she be the selfish one, or the one who screwed up?

No.

She couldn't.

You play by the rules, you do as you're told and you deny yourself your own desires. Maybe her Replicator copy had known her better than she knew herself, after all.

"I don't want you to leave," she whispered, "but I need you to."

"I'm sorry," he murmured against her skin, lifting his head and meeting her eyes. "And we've really gotta stop meeting like this. Next time, it's the Compound and it's coffee and none of this weird stuff," Jack said, shaking his head a little.

"Sound like a plan to you?"

"Yes." Sam agreed to that readily, and not just because of the promise of coffee. She would be okay around him in public places; she could manage not to kiss him or say or do something that would make him want to kiss her. Public was good. The more public the better.

"I...um, need to get back to work." She didn't think she'd be able to concentrate on anything for the next twenty minutes or so, but she really had to say something.

"I...need to go be alone. For at least the next hour," Jack said lowly, clearing his throat awkwardly. "So if someone comes looking for me, you don't know where I went but I'm not at home."

Sam had a fairly good idea why that was, and the mental image was not helping.

At all.

"Okay, now you really have to leave," she told him. Her voice was a little apologetic, a little pleading, because if he didn't, she didn't trust herself to behave right now.

"Sam?"

It was half choked and Jack winced a little at the sound of it. Damn. He had a serious problem now, didn't he?

"Yes, Jack?"

Her voice was equally choked, and she only had the tiniest bit of self-control left.

"Please tell me you're about ready to go jump in an ice cold lake right now?"

Otherwise, he'd feel worse than he already did.

Sam nodded, very carefully, as if nodding too much would upset her little bit of self-control. "Which is why you really, really have to go."

Jack nodded and turned to leave, pausing in her doorway.

"Just say the word and we can do something about it," he managed, lingering there for a moment.

"Jack," she said warningly. If she had to tell him to go one more time, she wasn't sure she really had it in her to say it. She really needed him to just go.

Sam Carter really, really hated her life right now.

"Fine, fine. I'll be in my hut if you need me," Jack said finally, frustrated.

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